just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
