Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
