she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
