I need help removing her.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
