i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
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And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
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I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize