Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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