if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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