One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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