I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Two words: nipple clamps
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