Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
