i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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