I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
