Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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