he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
