turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
