He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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