dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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