if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
