Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Can you repeat that, but with context?
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