Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
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