You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Randomize
