I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Randomize
