Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
This is my gift to your gina
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
