I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
