I've blown a few things in my day
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
