Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
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the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
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gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
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