I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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