Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
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I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
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I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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