Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
