The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
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