people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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