You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
