In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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