Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
