The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Randomize
