85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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