great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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