WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
