i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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