never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
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Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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