I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
