I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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