we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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