This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
