Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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