I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
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