here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize