Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
