omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
