why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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