Her vagina should come with caution tape.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
