He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
