Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
