If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
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