your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Randomize
