Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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