nutella sex= disaster
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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