i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
