I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Randomize
